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What Every Mom Can Start Doing Today to End Mommy Wars

When was the last time you rolled your eyes at a mom in the mall because she was doing something you didn’t approve of? I know I have been guilty of doing it myself.

Four years ago, I got a call from a friend of mine. “I noticed at the party that you were still breastfeeding Ella, isn’t she about to turn one.”

Both of my girls were breastfed. Phia for about six months then we switched to formula and Ella was breastfed exclusively for two years. It wasn’t something we planned, it just happened. Of course in the beginning families and friends were proud of me but as Ella turned one people started becoming uneasy around me.

A few called to share their “concerns”. Why are you still breastfeeding? When are you planning on stopping? She’s about to turn 1, don’t you think it’s about time you take a break?” It went on and on, but I didn’t let their words sway me, I was determined to do this on my term. The older my daughter got, the meaner the comments got, especially from family members. They snicker at the idea that I was still breastfeeding, they couldn’t fathom it.

I’m not ashamed of the fact that I breastfed Ella for two years, and I don’t feel sorry that I couldn’t do the same for Phia. If you ask me, why I did it – my answer is simple. I honestly enjoyed our time together – nothing made me happier than those 20 minutes or so we spent together at the end of a long and stressful day. She was my calming factor. I remembered when I finally decided to stop. I told my husband how much I was going to miss it. It kept me sane; it was my Zen so to speak. Truly in breastfeeding I found my bliss, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Mommy wars come in different forms. Breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding, hospital birth vs. home birth, home school vs. public school or private school, disposable diapers vs. cloth diapers, co-sleeping vs. sleeping in their bed, the list is endless.

I am not perfect, I am a work in progress, I make mistakes, I am also guilty of passing judgment, but I am constantly working on being a better person. So the next time you feel yourself being judgment, think about the why. You don’t know their circumstances, what you see is merely a glimpse of their life so being presumptuous isn’t the most effective approach.

Here is what you can do today to end the mommy wars –

Strategies to End Mommy Wars - What Every Mom Can Start Doing Today to End Mommy Wars

Strategies to End Mommy Wars

  1. Respect other people’s choices. Not everyone will do things the way you do it, and it’s completely fine; that doesn’t make your way right or wrong. Her way is what works for her. Every family is different, so are their needs. Resist the urge to criticize. You don’t have to agree with it, but you can respect their decision.
  2. Empathy not judgement. Working mom, stay-at-home mom, or work-at-home mom. We all have a preconceive notion about one another. Instead of pointing fingers at what mom is doing or isn’t doing. There is no right or wrong way to parent. We are all working hard to create a loving environment for our family. So rather than judge other moms for their decision, try praising them for being a great mom. That’s one thing we can all agree on; it isn’t always easy, but we make it work. Let’s work together to create a positive and nurturing environment for each other. A safe-haven, where we can go to share our fears and triumphs.

I’ve had great success with these two strategies, and I hope you find it useful as well. If you have any other strategies to try, please feel free to share. Let’s end the mommy wars once and for all.

Please share your mommy war story on the Similac Facebook page using the hashtag #EndMommyWars

Also join me in spreading the love by attending The Today Show periscope breakfast panel to #endmommywars with Dr. Shefali Tsabary, Hilary Duff and Haylie Duff on Tuesday, Sept. 15 at 9:30 a.m. ET.

This is a sponsored post as part of my year-long Sisterhood of Motherhood ambassadorship with Similac. The Sisterhood of Motherhood initiative is about celebrating being a parent in a positive way with no judgement.

Sisterhood of Motherhood Similac

Kira is the founder of award-winning lifestyle blog focused on family, tech, fashion, beauty, food, fitness, and travel. Prior to launching The Afropolitan Mom, she was a marketing executive in the technology industry. She lives in the suburb of NJ with her husband and two kids. When she's not on carpool duty or scrolling through Insta, she spends time adding items to her shopping cart while binge-watching shows on Netflix!

12 Comments

12 Comments

  1. Janet W.

    September 15, 2015 at 8:50 am

    Moms need to stop being so judgmental and just worry about themselves and what works best for their own family.

  2. Nicole Kim The Blogger

    September 16, 2015 at 10:54 pm

    I’m so happy you had the courage and patience to breastfeed. I know I could not do it because I could not stand the thought of my child suckling my breast past 2-3 months. After that it isn’t cute at all so I understand why you got a few WTF attitudes. I’m so happy you had the courage to do what was best for you and you are right we need to support each other so the next time I get the urge to cut my eyes at someone, I will do my best to resist.

  3. Barbara

    September 17, 2015 at 10:11 pm

    The Sisterhood of Motherhood initiative is about selling formula. Make no mistake about it. The ads are designed to make people feel warm fuzzies toward Similac and to decrease the impact of public health campaigns promoting breastfeeding.

  4. Jenn

    September 18, 2015 at 8:34 pm

    Motherhood is hard enough without having moms pitted against each other. Its alright to be do ffernt and as long as the kids are happy and healthy that is all that matters.

  5. chanelle

    September 21, 2015 at 12:17 am

    Thank you for calling this topic out. Being a parent is tough already, there isn’t a “right” way to do anything. Things I often judged others on (before I had kids), I now offer sympathy and understanding because, well, what do you know… I found myself in similar situations and was now the parent I had judged. It’s so easy for us to offer criticism instead of support, so thank you for calling this out!

  6. Janel

    October 3, 2015 at 12:19 pm

    I try to never judge another mom – no one knows what someone else is going through unless they walk in their shoes.

  7. colleen long

    October 3, 2015 at 2:08 pm

    Sometimes its really hard to accept other people’s choices, but I alwys try to rememebr just because theyre not doing it my way it doesnt mean theyre doing it wrong.

  8. Lindsay

    October 5, 2015 at 2:54 am

    I agree wholeheartedly that we need to support one another in our varied choices rather than judge and tear down. Thank you!

  9. Alanna B

    October 6, 2015 at 3:14 pm

    Yes, it definitely is not enough to understand that everyone has different parenting styles, but to give them praise for all of the good that they do.

  10. veronica lee

    October 8, 2015 at 10:38 pm

    I have been guilty of passing judgement. Thank you so much for opening my eyes.

  11. Heather Davidson

    November 6, 2015 at 12:20 am

    I love this!! We should all stand together and help each other out, not beat each other down.

  12. Rosie

    January 27, 2016 at 2:27 pm

    I’m not a mommie and I often feel bad about it, but when I think of how judging other moms can be, it sure can take some of the joy out of it.

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